Monthly Book Club

I can't think of many greater joys in life than sitting down with a really good book!

Welcome to my monthly book club. Nothing is required of  you but I would like to share some of my favorites with you. I have included everything from a great audible.com listen to the perfect beach read. I've included a favorite kids book in our house and a great Women's Bible Study. Enjoy!

Click on the book to find and order!

1. Audible.com Choice: Accidental Saints by Nadia Bolz-Weber

This is a great read if you are just looking to pick up a good book,  but it made my audible.com choice this month because of the great experience that can be had by listening. The book is narrated by the author and there is something about her reading her book that adds a depth and dimension to her great humor and beautiful stories. It's not your typical religious read. There is a fair amount of curse words (not the book for you if that kind of language offends you) and her attitude is often confrontational and angry. She is a former stand up comic turned Pastor and her encounters with a drag queen, a church-loving agnostic and a gun-toting member of the NRA impact the complicated relationship she has with a God she feels called to serve and consistently resists. 

Click on the book to find and order!

2. Kids Choice: Bug Zoo by Andy Harkness

I am as girly as they come. Bows, tutus, make up and pearls have always been my happy place. When I gave birth to two tiny humans, I was elated. I was also terrified because they were boys and I don't like "boy stuff". They teach me everyday to find joy in the creepy, crawly, messy and dirty things that make up their favorite things. This book is a winner in our house. It has colorful pictures and a very cute story line. If you have a child like Cade, they will find great joy in the wealth of creatures named throughout the book and if you have a child like Case, they will find great joy in the process of how they can catch their own bugs. Spoiler Alert-the little boy learns that all creatures are beautiful  when they are out in the world and not locked away for our enjoyment. Who doesn't love a good message?

Click on the book to find and order!

3. Bible Study: Make Over: Revitalizing the Many Roles You Fill (A Modern Girl's Bible Study) by Jen Hatmaker

If you have been thinking about having a women's Bible Study or supper club with a purpose but just don't know where to start, I highly recommend you start here. There are several books in the series but I particularly love this one. It's only a 5 session book and an easy read. It follows  the stories of many women in the Bible who faced the same balancing struggle that we face today. The study takes a look at what the Bible says about motherhood, self discovery, marriage and friendship while told with the distinctive wit and humor that Jen Hatmaker brings out in her writing. I've taught this study so let me know if you need ideas or have questions!

Click on the book to find and order!

4. Series: Woman's Murder Club by James Patterson

I love books that come in series. I enjoy getting to know the characters and follow them on a bit of a longer journey. The good ones stick with you long after you've closed the pages of the book and a series allows me the joy of getting just a little more. This is one of my favorite series to follow. There are now a total of 14 books and a new one comes out each year. There is an endearing heroine, strong friendships, suspense, action and romance. It's not a girl's only series. My dad reads them too! 

Click on the book to find and order. 

5. Beach Read: Tempting Fate by Jane Green

I'm headed to the beach on a family vacation soon and can not wait. The beach is my happy place. I find so much peace in laying out under an umbrella (because I'm white and skin cancer isn't my jam) with a great book while listening to the water. Jane Green is one of my favorite authors for a good beach read. She is witty and funny while managing to put a Lifetime movie in book form. I will warn you, I mean that last sentence. This book is about an affair so its not a PG book. But it is beautifully messy and explores the world of boundaries and self discovery as we move through life trying to figure out what can matter most. 

What are you reading these days???

Girlfriends...who needs them?

Messy Grace equals life with girlfriends.

This one is hard for me. This next sentence is ugly and truthful and leaves me feeling far more vulnerable  than I'm comfortable with, but here goes. 

I've spent the majority of my life uninterested in the real value of girlfriends.

There, I've said it and I've offended some of the great girlfriends that God has brought into my life because I just stabbed them in the heart by saying...by the way, I just didn't know your value. But it's the messy truth. I don't say this because I've had terrible luck with finding friends. I was on the drill team in high school and even in a sorority in college. I went to Girl's State with 500 other girls in the state of Texas for 10 days in the summer of my junior year in high school. God has placed some of the most incredible women and girlfriends in my life from the get go. I had them....I just didn't know what that meant. Dating had a purpose...find the person I was going to spend the rest of my life with, build a family with. But the concept of a life long girlfriend was harder for me to understand.

Take my sister.  When I was 3,  she entered the family. I distinctly remember standing in the Piggly Wiggly parking lot in Denton and being heartbroken that the baby coming out of my mommy's tummy was a girl and not a brother. But out she came. And she was everything I wasn't. She was brave, she was strong, she was rough and tough and she didn't have a girly bone in sight. While I was wearing pink tutus and mom's make up, Courtney was playing soccer and digging in the dirt. God gave me my first girlfriend and all I wanted to do for the better part of 14 years, was give her back. Bless our parents. All of our bickering and fighting could have sent even the most well put together human being into the loony bin. But she was my sister and I might not like her but I was going to love her. When I went off to college it turns out I gained some perspective. What used to drive me crazy, I longed to have back at my side everyday. I learned to appreciate her athleticism and enjoy her laid back style. Fast forward to now and I can barely sit in my chair because I've agreed to do a workout program with her. She is stronger, she has way more grit and she is dragging me with her because there is a loyalty and authentic love that comes with true friendship. I want to be fit and I want to be healthy and she is going to stand by my side and help me get there even though it slows her down. I, painfully, have to credit Courtney with hitting me over the head with the real value of girlfriends.

I haven't always had this whole friendship with girls thing down. Boys were easier for me. They seemed to be less caught up in competition with me (and I'm not competitive) so those teenage who's prettier, more popular, better singer, etc... years were hard. I hung around with the boys because they didn't care. God, however, knew I needed girlfriends in my life and often plopped them right where I had to embrace them and let them in. Some are probably reading this right now. They were my BEST friends. I  have an all in personality so many of them were everything during a particular time. Whether we were riding around the neighborhood pretending to own the place, going on "group" dates with the others  because none of us were allowed to go alone or toilet papering the house of the boy who broke our hearts in high school, I had some of the most loyal girls by my side and all of my memories include one of them. I'm from a small town (*it's really not all that small but when you sandwich a town between two major cities, it feels small). My husband and I have chosen to raise our children here. I see lots of these women out and about at the grocery store, down on the square or just eating out. I used to feel sad. Why didn't I appreciate them more? Why didn't I value our friendship enough to not let it fade? But I've learned that this whole idea of God's grace is real. The truth is...I'm the luckiest girl to have been touched by so many great friendships,  and appreciating the imprint they left on who I am today proves that along the way,  I really learned the value that they added to my life. Now when I see them I can't help but giggle at some of the greatest memories and be so happy to know that our paths still cross.

Girl's Trip Spring 2016

About 2 months into my marriage I figured out, like being hit by a bus figured out, that I needed girlfriends. I love my husband. He's my best friend, my partner in life and he drives me nuts at least twice a week. I realized that being the best me was going to require a group of women who would call me out on my dumb stuff, cry when I had my first baby and didn't want to wake up and live life,  and stand by me when Clay was diagnosed with cancer. Shows like Sex in the City give us a glimpse into the TV world of girlfriends. There is the independent one, the sexually progressive one, the perfect mommy, the housewife, the career woman... All great things but the truth is, we all have a little bit of most of those women in us. To say that we can partner 4 women into one person and it's always going to play out the same  way is a bit...well...wrong. Any given day I could be the put together business woman and then tomorrow, the hot mess who can't seem to get her kids out of the door in under an hour. Friendship is messy. It is a covenant with each other to dive into the mess and sort it out through grace together. My mom has a great group of women in her life. They are all very different (however mom and her friend Rosemary do dress alike 3 out of every 4 times I see them). They craft together, eat together, travel together and live life together. They started this when I was in about 3rd grade. They all had girls of similar ages so we went to church camp and they were off to spend the week together. I know now how valuable that must be to my mom and am thankful she has passed along that wisdom to me. Her best friend from growing up has been in my life from the get go. Her girls were the cool older girls that took me ice skating and she and Rosemary hosted  my bridal luncheon. My mom gets it and I'm thankful for that picture of the importance of girlfriends. 

This is all on my mind because last weekend I took a girl's trip to Austin. This is the third since I've been married and each time I am reminded more and more of what the women in my life add to my story. This trip I had my sister, my best friend from college and her younger sister and a great friend who I have found in the last few years. Each one of them brings all kinds of sass to who I am and wouldn't hesitate to comment on this  blog with my faults and then tell you great things about me that I don't deserve. I was worn out before this trip. In the last few months, I've changed careers, redone part of my house, traveled out of the country for the first time without my children and Clay and I have entered a season of go and do. Reflection and rest are just not on the menu very often. I've started this journey with some of the things I've told you about in the past few blogs but I haven't really felt very connected. I left exhausted with my life and set out for an unknown purpose. We didn't have a great plan for this trip or any real purpose. Just a girl's trip. Me 10 years ago wouldn't have done it. Why leave my husband and work if there is no point to the trip? Why stay in a house on the lake with no real direction and no real outcome? It wasn't like we were going to see a concert or go to a specific location while we were there, it's just a 4 hour drive away from my house.

Saturday morning of this trip is the best illustration of why.  Jillian, my newest friend, suggested we all zip line. If any of  you have done a ropes course with me you are probably laughing. I've been up in the trees more times than I can count and when it came to "challenge by choice", I usually chose to cheer from solid ground. But I wanted to go. Something in me said you need to do this and you need to do it without fear. Tabitha (college friend) was less than thrilled and after a shoe swap around the house we were all in the car to go. We arrived and when the time came I was the first to step up from our group to go. I jumped off and never looked back. It was high up. It was a lot of trust in two guys that we didn't know who seemed to be a bit eclectic from their woodsy lifestyle. But those few hours in the trees with my people, my girlfriends, was everything I needed. I experienced God in their fear and in my own as we cheered each other on, hugged close to the trees and got a short glimpse of the true beauty of world we live in. 

I left my weekend feeling filled. Filled with the grace left behind in the hugs of the women that don't care how not perfect I am and the faith that any one of them will be my person any day or night. Because that is who we are. We are women who make the choice to be different. Some of my girlfriends make all of their baby food themselves and some, like me, opened the pouch bought at Kroger and handed it on over. Some of my girlfriends love to spend every waking hour with their significant others and send selfies to each other through out the day when they are apart and some, like me, are just glad to know all three boys in my house are still alive around 10 pm. We don't judge, and when we do we give ourselves grace and vow to love each other tomorrow, better. My girlfriends are vast. They are smart. They are strong. They all have different stories and they all could conquer anything they wanted because we have each other's backs. 

Whether you have a "Sex in the City" group that religiously meets to fulfill your roles or you are just now figuring out you need girlfriends. May God bless you with feisty, sassy, and loyal women to hold you up. 

What I'm Loving...

What I'm Loving....March 2016

I want to be very clear from the start....I don't blog for money. No one is giving me anything for the things I am about to tell you about. They are just things that I am really loving this month that I hope you will get excited about. Maybe one of them is just what you are looking for! I tried to include a little bit of everything in my 5 things and MY FIRST GIVEAWAY is at the end! You can click on each picture for more details on the thing I love and where to get it!

1. The Wet Brush

I am a baby when it comes to having my hair brushed. My head is very sensitive. I can't even enjoy a head massage when I get my hair washed at the salon. This is unfortunate because I would love to be able to enjoy that. When I was young, my mom had to brush my hair with a soft bristled brush. I have a lot of hair. It is thick. It was often long. I am SO sorry mom! I was in Target about a month ago shopping for my trip to Mexico where my best friend was getting married. I needed a travel brush and saw the Wet Brush hanging there. It promised pain free detangling so I grabbed it and ran. I had very little hope for this brush. It must be a marketing ploy to get me to try your brush over the 20 others hanging there. But I would buy 100 of these now. My tangles come out with no pain and no effort in a matter of seconds. It is magic I tell you,  and whoever invented it should be sainted. Whether it is you who wants a new brush or you have a little girl who hates having her hair brushed out, go to the store and get one now!

2. Savor by Shauna Niequist

I've talked a lot about making small changes in life and taking baby steps to really get to what is important in life. This is one of those baby steps for me. I wanted to spend a very small amount of time on myself each day to make sure I was always working towards the best me and I wanted to do something that was contemplative so that I could really take time to reflect. I also wanted to write down a memory from the day so I would have something to look back on to celebrate the little joys in life while my babies are still babies. I wanted to savor my life in this stage even though it's a tough one. This book is the perfect baby step to do that. It is a 365 day book that gives a short reflection each day with a great question at the end. The book's tag line is, Living Abundantly Where Are, As You Are, and each day I get challenged to really unpack what is going on in my life. It takes 10 minutes to read so it doesn't require a huge life shift and I write a little sentence at the top of the page that gives a memory from that day.

3. The Day Designer Grocery List Printable Download

I hate going to the grocery store. I get overwhelmed by the packed parking lot. I get distracted by good produce. I inevitably wander in the wine aisle (because that's going to feed my family). I always forget something across the store from where I remember it and I find myself losing patience with the human race each second I have to be there. I must go with a list if there is any hope of redeeming the experience. I sit down at the beginning of my week and write out all of the ingredients I will need. Because of my personality, I would then rewrite my list (yep, you read that right) so that all of the ingredients that were together in the same section were together on my list. This took time. I don't have time. I certainly don't want to spend the time I do have writing 5 grocery lists for one trip. Then I found it! I have told you about the Day Designer before. On their website they have a great free printables area (http://daydesigner.com/collections/printable-library). There are no strings and it has some legit items. My favorite is their grocery list printable download. It has plenty of space and all of the categories that you need to make your list. It is only one sheet and makes life awesome. Try it out this week...it will change your whole shopping experience!

4. Yeti

A few years ago my husband put a Yeti cooler on his birthday list. I waltzed into Cabelas, found the coolers and went straight to the Yeti. I looked at the price tag, laughed and called my husband. Why on earth did he think that I was going to pay that much for a cooler when there was one, half the price, just 2 feet away and 3 times the size? He responded with, "It's bear proof!" Um.....we live in Denton, TX. Please tell me the last time you saw a bear in Denton, TX. Needless to say, I lost and a few years later we are the proud owner of a fleet of Yeti coolers in all sizes. 

Two Christmas days ago Clay and David, my brother-in-law, received 30 oz Yeti rambler cups from my mom in their Christmas stocking. I rolled my eyes and couldn't help but curse the Yeti corporation. Someone is making an awful lot of money on poor souls like my husband who just can't help but think they are the answer to hunting needs everywhere. When I asked him why we needed this he replied, "It will keep coffee hot for days!" Um....we don't drink coffee (never have, don't like it, never will). In fact, we registered for a coffee pot for our wedding and my mom used it once.

But one night, a few months later, I heard the clink of ice going into his metal Yeti cup. I heard the water run in and then he took off for the day. When he brought the cup home the next day I saw there was ice and water. Could it be? No, that couldn't be the same ice from yesterday. But it was. I need to drink more water. It's another one of those baby steps. But I hate water. I can only drink it when its really cold. By this point, we had 2 yeti cups. The next morning I snuck the cup, put in my ice water and have never looked back. Even writing this is proof of how truly awesome it is. Because if my husband reads this (and there is only a very slim chance he will) I will be admitting he is right. Yeti is awesome. 

5. The Happy Hour with Jamie Ivey

About a year ago a friend of mine from church posted a recommendation for the Happy Hour with Jamie Ivey. Episode two featured Jen Hatmaker and she loved it! At the time I was commuting and thought...why not? It has changed my life in so many ways. Jamie is an Austin girl who sits down each week with some of the coolest women on earth. Some are names you have heard and many are names you are going to wish you would have heard of before now. They are all women, just like you and me, who found a passion in life and followed it. From adoption to mission work, from authors to stay at home moms. It is just like sitting down with your girlfriends and a good cocktail. You will leave filled and motivated to do great things. Listen in the car, listen while you do laundry, listen while you walk. It is fun and it will make all of those necessary life activities fun!

Bonus: The Secrets of Happy Families by Bruce Feiler

I told you that today would be my first giveaway and this is it! I have five copies of this book ready to send to five of you. Whether you want to fight smarter with your spouse, figure out how to make family dinners a reality (when time just doesn't allow) or you want to make mornings just a little easier, this is the book to read. It is funny. It is practical. It is not filled with the language of family therapists but told from a dad who has done his research and wants to share it with you. If you want to get a free copy there are a few ways to enter. Each way you enter gives you another chance at winning. Pick one or all!

1. Comment below with a time of day in your house that you wish would be easier? Is it mornings? Is it right after school when everyone is fighting? Is it bedtime? (Note: If you don't see the comments below, scroll up and click on the blog title. They should then appear at the bottom)

2. Like this blog post on Facebook and comment with something you are loving right now.

3. Like this blog post on Instagram and tag two friends that you think would love one of the items above. They can enter to win too!

The winners will be announced on Friday. Good Luck!

40 Day Plan

Day One: Decide 40 Day Plan is too overwhelming. See you on Easter, God!

Lent is one of my very favorite seasons. 40 days. 40 days to get it together and find my happy place. 40 Days to get back on track. 40 days to try to pull together my purpose for the year. Theologically,  this isn't really the way to put it,  but it's an accurate look at what goes through my head.  Last year, I cut those "stories" (aka terrible soap operas) out that I told you about in my mess. It was fine but I missed the drama of Genoa City  and am pretty sure that this was not the point of Lent, at all. I also decided to start some sort of exercise routine. Just a few weeks earlier I could have been heard saying to a friend at work, "I'm going to lose weight,  but it will have to be because of diet. There is NO WAY i'm working out." That was the nail in the coffin. I said it and immediately knew that it meant I needed to do exactly what I said I wasn't going to do. So what better time to get healthy than during the period where we prepare ourselves for the death and resurrection of Jesus. Needless to say, I missed the mark a bit with the whole Lent season last year. 

Do you see what I just did....I shamed myself. I said that my effort wasn't good enough. I wasn't holy enough, my motives weren't pure enough, I wasn't enough.  Friends, stop this now. It was what I could give. I can't find anywhere in the Bible where Jesus says "Your 40 days of lent didn't cut it for me, you blew the whole salvation thing to bits." 

This year I left local church ministry just a few days prior to Ash Wednesday (http://www.umc.org/what-we-believe/glossary-ash-wednesday). I have, for most of my life, defined Lenten study, activity and Easter meaning by the church's calendar. Working for the church, I followed the church's services, curriculum and patterns. Walking out the door of local church ministry provided an interesting void in my plans for Lent. For the first time in a long time I found myself faced with my relationship with God. I was no longer responsible for facilitating the discipleship journey through Lent for others, I had to face God for myself. I've always believed in the existence of God. I knew God was there, I knew God in stories but about a year ago when a mentor of mine asked the question, who is God, I realized that I wasn't really sure who God was to me. Who was this God that I taught about in real terms? What did God have to do with my minute to minute life?  What better time to start getting acquainted than in the season in which we prepare ourselves to hear the story of the son of God and the sacrifice made on the cross. I heard someone the other day say that they wanted to see, in the very same moment, both the beauty in the cross and the brokenness in which the cross stood. So how did I do that....

Having a relationship with God was not going to be me sitting in a silent room in prayer (if this is your jam go with it but I know i'm not going to be able to start this journey there).  It was not going to be tied to a church (been there, done that, need a change of pace in terms of developing my own personal God connection) and with two little children, God was going to have to be very patient about how sidetracked I was going to get in this process. "God, you're important but my two year old climbing to the heavens to meet you in my living room is going to require my immediate attention." Here....here is where I want to give up.  I want to be in a relationship with God just like I want to be more healthy but looking at the logistics wears me out thinking about it and I'm out.  

But not this year. This year I was going to make a real attempt on 40 days of meaningful time with God. I decided that I feel most connected to God outside. This is an odd statement for a city girl who appears to hate all things outside (pollen, worms, bugs, snakes, heat, cold) but there is something about being under the blue sky and next to the water that gives my heart true peace. I remember laying in our neighbors hammock on nice days when I was growing up. I would talk about nature, my dreams, my mom and looking back on those times, I was most in touch with God at that moment. I was a little girl sitting at the feet of her father talking what seems like nonsense about life and in the process revealing my heart  to my father. But I'm not that little girl anymore. I can't lay in the neighbors backyard talking to myself. Neighborhood gossip train here I come. "Mom snaps, talking to herself for hours in neighbors yard." I turned to what I know best, books. Books always fix it for me. They make me happy. I looked for a devotion but that didn't seem like enough. I ran into a book called Christ Walk. 40 days. 40 devotionals. And you choose a journey from the Bible and walk that distance over the course of those 40 days. I was sold. 

Purchase Here

I was sold and it is hard. The experience has taken me through the drudges of having to make my walk a priority. It's not something I fit in if I can. It's in writing and has some reflection with it so if I cheat someone will look in my book and know (yep, this will give you a glimpse into my personality for extremes-no one is looking in that book but I sure am not going to chance it) so i'm not going to cheat. When I started the walking part was good. I enjoyed being out and in my neighborhood. I walked alone some, I walked with my family or I listened to a podcast while walking. But walking everyday brings on all sorts of challenges. Not only did I commit to walking (my chosen journey equates about 20 minutes of extra walking a day) but I committed to doing this with God. I started by saying "God,God,God..." right out of the garage. I HAVE TO BE WITH GOD. I then decided that was not really relationship so I pulled back and just decided to walk. I found myself pound the pavement with quick hard steps to often walk out the stress of the day. As I walked on and started to feel the tension release and the rhythm set in I started to find my mind wandering to that place long ago in the hammock. I began to tell God my day and my story in my head as I moved through my neighborhood. Some days, I don't want to walk. I blame God, I don't walk with you. But no matter where I am, I find myself in the rhythm of the simplest walk and in rhythm with God. Some days I go to bed, read the few pages of the Christ Walk devotion and feel on top of the world. I gleefully write down the steps I've taken, the miles I've journeyed and the closeness I feel to God. Some days, I don't want to look at my fit bit because my steps have fallen short. Life has happened and I've failed. But this 40 days has taught me that there isn't failure in not walking quite as many steps or in relationship to God. There is life and the real success comes in owning the down days and getting up tomorrow with the hope of celebration.

May you take that journey this Easter week. May you live in and be present in the down, in the death of Christ, in the brokenness on the cross and then, may you find your hope in the new day. At the end of Lent each year the good news is proclaimed, Christ has Risen. But I can tell you, each morning is reminder that the good news, the beauty of the cross, is right here for us today. 

Cade's School Party-Meet the Tolin Bunnies!

My Love Language and Yours

I love Christmas! This is a great gift of service to me...Clay hanging the greens!

How we communicate with our people is everything. Whether it is a husband, wife, partner, child, or your church congregation,  it is important that we learn to recognize and learn to speak the same languages. 

There is all sorts of research out there and ways to identify the different manors in which we communicate. There are personality tests that tell us how we react to things and how we process. There are tests to figure out how we work best with others, fight best and learn best. One of my favorite ways to figure out how to better communicate is through Love Languages.

I often try to incorporate a little mini lesson on this into the classes that I teach. Do you know what your love language is? Author Gary Chapman wrote a book called the The 5 Love Languages. He proposes that each of us speaks a love language from the time we are young and understanding how we give and experience love is a key to opening the door to greater relationships and more open lines of communication. Maybe your love language is Physical Touch and your spouse's is Gift Giving. Not knowing that could mean you are showing love the best way you can but just not in a way they can understand. 

My love language is Gifts of Service. There is nothing better to me than seeing someone use their God given gifts to show their love by doing dishes, walking someone from their car to the door each week on Sunday or volunteering to give of their time to work around the church. Its what makes my heart happy and my life make sense.

The great thing about Love Languages is that there are resources to discover your love language, children's languages, teenagers languages and anyone's love languages.   Ready to find out what your love language profile is? Click this link to find out now: http://www.5lovelanguages.com/profile/. I'd love to hear in the comments what your language is! 

Sometimes it can be hard to navigate this with a spouse, partner, etc... How can you speak a language that isn't your own?  Check out this article: http://fiercemarriage.com/how-to-speak-your-spouses-love-language-what-to-avoid#/ or the image below for some ideas!

Christ calls us to love one another and I happen to be a fan of anything that helps me to do that in a more meaningful way and with greater impact. Looking for a new devotional?   You can even find one of those at http://www.5lovelanguages.com/tools/church/.