Messy Grace equals life with girlfriends.
This one is hard for me. This next sentence is ugly and truthful and leaves me feeling far more vulnerable than I'm comfortable with, but here goes.
I've spent the majority of my life uninterested in the real value of girlfriends.
There, I've said it and I've offended some of the great girlfriends that God has brought into my life because I just stabbed them in the heart by saying...by the way, I just didn't know your value. But it's the messy truth. I don't say this because I've had terrible luck with finding friends. I was on the drill team in high school and even in a sorority in college. I went to Girl's State with 500 other girls in the state of Texas for 10 days in the summer of my junior year in high school. God has placed some of the most incredible women and girlfriends in my life from the get go. I had them....I just didn't know what that meant. Dating had a purpose...find the person I was going to spend the rest of my life with, build a family with. But the concept of a life long girlfriend was harder for me to understand.
Take my sister. When I was 3, she entered the family. I distinctly remember standing in the Piggly Wiggly parking lot in Denton and being heartbroken that the baby coming out of my mommy's tummy was a girl and not a brother. But out she came. And she was everything I wasn't. She was brave, she was strong, she was rough and tough and she didn't have a girly bone in sight. While I was wearing pink tutus and mom's make up, Courtney was playing soccer and digging in the dirt. God gave me my first girlfriend and all I wanted to do for the better part of 14 years, was give her back. Bless our parents. All of our bickering and fighting could have sent even the most well put together human being into the loony bin. But she was my sister and I might not like her but I was going to love her. When I went off to college it turns out I gained some perspective. What used to drive me crazy, I longed to have back at my side everyday. I learned to appreciate her athleticism and enjoy her laid back style. Fast forward to now and I can barely sit in my chair because I've agreed to do a workout program with her. She is stronger, she has way more grit and she is dragging me with her because there is a loyalty and authentic love that comes with true friendship. I want to be fit and I want to be healthy and she is going to stand by my side and help me get there even though it slows her down. I, painfully, have to credit Courtney with hitting me over the head with the real value of girlfriends.
I haven't always had this whole friendship with girls thing down. Boys were easier for me. They seemed to be less caught up in competition with me (and I'm not competitive) so those teenage who's prettier, more popular, better singer, etc... years were hard. I hung around with the boys because they didn't care. God, however, knew I needed girlfriends in my life and often plopped them right where I had to embrace them and let them in. Some are probably reading this right now. They were my BEST friends. I have an all in personality so many of them were everything during a particular time. Whether we were riding around the neighborhood pretending to own the place, going on "group" dates with the others because none of us were allowed to go alone or toilet papering the house of the boy who broke our hearts in high school, I had some of the most loyal girls by my side and all of my memories include one of them. I'm from a small town (*it's really not all that small but when you sandwich a town between two major cities, it feels small). My husband and I have chosen to raise our children here. I see lots of these women out and about at the grocery store, down on the square or just eating out. I used to feel sad. Why didn't I appreciate them more? Why didn't I value our friendship enough to not let it fade? But I've learned that this whole idea of God's grace is real. The truth is...I'm the luckiest girl to have been touched by so many great friendships, and appreciating the imprint they left on who I am today proves that along the way, I really learned the value that they added to my life. Now when I see them I can't help but giggle at some of the greatest memories and be so happy to know that our paths still cross.
Girl's Trip Spring 2016
About 2 months into my marriage I figured out, like being hit by a bus figured out, that I needed girlfriends. I love my husband. He's my best friend, my partner in life and he drives me nuts at least twice a week. I realized that being the best me was going to require a group of women who would call me out on my dumb stuff, cry when I had my first baby and didn't want to wake up and live life, and stand by me when Clay was diagnosed with cancer. Shows like Sex in the City give us a glimpse into the TV world of girlfriends. There is the independent one, the sexually progressive one, the perfect mommy, the housewife, the career woman... All great things but the truth is, we all have a little bit of most of those women in us. To say that we can partner 4 women into one person and it's always going to play out the same way is a bit...well...wrong. Any given day I could be the put together business woman and then tomorrow, the hot mess who can't seem to get her kids out of the door in under an hour. Friendship is messy. It is a covenant with each other to dive into the mess and sort it out through grace together. My mom has a great group of women in her life. They are all very different (however mom and her friend Rosemary do dress alike 3 out of every 4 times I see them). They craft together, eat together, travel together and live life together. They started this when I was in about 3rd grade. They all had girls of similar ages so we went to church camp and they were off to spend the week together. I know now how valuable that must be to my mom and am thankful she has passed along that wisdom to me. Her best friend from growing up has been in my life from the get go. Her girls were the cool older girls that took me ice skating and she and Rosemary hosted my bridal luncheon. My mom gets it and I'm thankful for that picture of the importance of girlfriends.
This is all on my mind because last weekend I took a girl's trip to Austin. This is the third since I've been married and each time I am reminded more and more of what the women in my life add to my story. This trip I had my sister, my best friend from college and her younger sister and a great friend who I have found in the last few years. Each one of them brings all kinds of sass to who I am and wouldn't hesitate to comment on this blog with my faults and then tell you great things about me that I don't deserve. I was worn out before this trip. In the last few months, I've changed careers, redone part of my house, traveled out of the country for the first time without my children and Clay and I have entered a season of go and do. Reflection and rest are just not on the menu very often. I've started this journey with some of the things I've told you about in the past few blogs but I haven't really felt very connected. I left exhausted with my life and set out for an unknown purpose. We didn't have a great plan for this trip or any real purpose. Just a girl's trip. Me 10 years ago wouldn't have done it. Why leave my husband and work if there is no point to the trip? Why stay in a house on the lake with no real direction and no real outcome? It wasn't like we were going to see a concert or go to a specific location while we were there, it's just a 4 hour drive away from my house.
Saturday morning of this trip is the best illustration of why. Jillian, my newest friend, suggested we all zip line. If any of you have done a ropes course with me you are probably laughing. I've been up in the trees more times than I can count and when it came to "challenge by choice", I usually chose to cheer from solid ground. But I wanted to go. Something in me said you need to do this and you need to do it without fear. Tabitha (college friend) was less than thrilled and after a shoe swap around the house we were all in the car to go. We arrived and when the time came I was the first to step up from our group to go. I jumped off and never looked back. It was high up. It was a lot of trust in two guys that we didn't know who seemed to be a bit eclectic from their woodsy lifestyle. But those few hours in the trees with my people, my girlfriends, was everything I needed. I experienced God in their fear and in my own as we cheered each other on, hugged close to the trees and got a short glimpse of the true beauty of world we live in.
I left my weekend feeling filled. Filled with the grace left behind in the hugs of the women that don't care how not perfect I am and the faith that any one of them will be my person any day or night. Because that is who we are. We are women who make the choice to be different. Some of my girlfriends make all of their baby food themselves and some, like me, opened the pouch bought at Kroger and handed it on over. Some of my girlfriends love to spend every waking hour with their significant others and send selfies to each other through out the day when they are apart and some, like me, are just glad to know all three boys in my house are still alive around 10 pm. We don't judge, and when we do we give ourselves grace and vow to love each other tomorrow, better. My girlfriends are vast. They are smart. They are strong. They all have different stories and they all could conquer anything they wanted because we have each other's backs.
Whether you have a "Sex in the City" group that religiously meets to fulfill your roles or you are just now figuring out you need girlfriends. May God bless you with feisty, sassy, and loyal women to hold you up.
